He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
