Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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