And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
