I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I look better un-naked...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
