Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
