I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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