i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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