I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
