I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
