When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
