I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
