no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
