Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
