You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i now understand why vodka
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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