o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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