like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
