i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
