Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize