im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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