Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
tell me about the eggs
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