I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
