He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
