White coat. Heels.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
