halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
