you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
