I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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