I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
