So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
