So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just pynch a tree in the face
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
