i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
