my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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