so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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