Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
