Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
jump out the window naked night went bad
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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