Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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