Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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