No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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