At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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