maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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