you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
