You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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