omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
3pm strippers are depressing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
