I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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