I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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