Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You left your phone here
Wait...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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