i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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