my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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