You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
