Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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