fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
