if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Umm I'm too high to move.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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