at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
