she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize