It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
