We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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