I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
