is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize