you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
