if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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