it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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