Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
