We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
