mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
