and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
