Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
