3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
