after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize