Your face is a jimmy john
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
