So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
