my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
