first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
