hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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