Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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