dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
