So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
