I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
