my shit smells like andre
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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