If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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