life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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