wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
