I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
